


Goodbye

by KatsInSpace



Series: PDA [2]
Category: Mianite - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Break Up, M/M, Makeup, Obliviousness, Pining, syndisparklez
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-20 05:06:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16130228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatsInSpace/pseuds/KatsInSpace
Summary: Jordan thinks about his future with Tom, or lack thereof, and decides that their relationship won’t last. It doesn't matter that they still love each other, there isn’t a future for them so it just isn’t worth it. Tom, however, disagrees with that and has plans of his own.





	Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> sequel to PDA, pining, obliviousness, angst with happy ending, breaking up, making up, set around the more recent years, title from the song Goodbye by Filous

He had been with Tom for over three years now, making it almost four. It was still a long distance relationship but Tom had stopped renting his own apartment in LA and moved his things over into Jordan’s place.

However, Tom still mostly stayed in his own house in England rather than with him. That, and he often traveled to other countries with friends, family, or on his own. So he hardly ever saw him in person. But they still communicated on a daily basis, mainly through texts and phone calls.

They were fine for the first few years, but recently, he’d been having his doubts again. Don’t get him wrong, he still doesn’t regret his relationship with Tom but he’s been thinking about their future again.

About how it was starting to get more serious.

Their clothes were already mixed together and Tom had his own toothbrush next to his in the bathroom. And most importantly? Jordan had started to call it their place rather than just his.

Jordan had started to think about what Tom had said that night a few years ago, when they had been together for just six months. _“I didn't have to stay if you came with me.”_

Since then, they’ve barely talked about it, but Jordan _has_ thought about it before. Which comes to his next problem, or rather, _their_ next problem.

Neither he nor Tom is willing to move away from their own place. And that’s a huge problem for serious relationships. The long-distance thing was fine for awhile but eventually, they needed to change things.

Jordan watched as Tom beamed, laughing at a dry joke he had made. It was one of the rare times he and Tom were able to skype together and he wanted to treasure every moment of it. Seeing how happy Tom is made him smile.

But he still had that nagging voice in the back of his mind, one that said they weren’t going to make it. But seeing how happy Tom was, Jordan didn’t want to bring it up and dampen the mood.

-.-

Jordan glances at his phone when he hears his text notification. He briefly looks at it, seeing Tom’s name and decides to pause his game and reply, despite being in the middle of recording.

He opens up the message, smiling to himself as he sees a picture. It was a picture of him having fun and just generally being a bit silly at wherever he was now.

Me <\- Tom: Alice was being a turd and decided to take this of me when I wasn’t looking

Me <\- Tom: so yeah enjoy that

Me -> Tom: I will do that

Jordan saves the picture, putting his phone down to get back to recording.

-.-

Jordan wanted to bring it up, but he didn’t know when the right time would be. He knows that there _is_ no right time but he still didn’t know when he could bring it up.

He stared at his unfinished draft.

(Draft) Me -> Tom: I need to say

Jordan deletes the message, constantly typing in something else before finally settling on something and sending it.

Me -> Tom: Do you like California or England more?

That message should be fine. It wasn’t explicitly asking him but it was enough to guide them in the right direction.

Me <\- Tom: England obviously

Me <\- Tom: Tgough the la sunshine is pretty damn great

Me <\- Tom: Wheres this coming from??

Me -> Tom: just curious

Me <\- Tim: Bullshit. You want something, what is it?

Jordan sighs. Looks like there was no way around it.

Me -> Tom: So you'd rather live there than here?

Jordan pursued his lips, waiting for Tom’s reply. He was worried for his reply.

Me <\- Tom: If possible

Jordan’s heart sank.

Me <\- Tom: I mean, it’s just that my family and my best friend and sort of business is here, you know? So it’d be a bit difficult to move.

Me <\- Tom: But it’s not like I won’t move, I’d just rather not, you know?

Me -> Tom: I know.

Jordan’s disappointed but he already knew that Tom was going to say that.

Me <\- Tom: And you? Is England a possible future for you or is LA set in stone?

Me -> Tom: I’m not sure, I’ve never lived outside of California before, let alone a different country.

Me -> Tom: And my mom and dad is here too and I’d rather not leave them or my friends behind

Me <\- Tom: Well we still have time to talk about this, we don’t have to decide now

That was what Jordan was worried he’d say. They barely talked about it and when they did, it was brief before they decided to push back the conversation again.

Me -> Tom: Yeah you’re right.

Jordan also didn’t know if he could bring himself to move away from everything he knows and to a completely different country surrounded by people and customs he didn’t know.

-.-

Jordan thought about his friends as he scrolled through instagram. Some of them were posting selfies of themselves with their significant other on vacation or at their homes.

Quite a bit of them that he knew were in a relationship had already moved in together or planning to soon. And yet he and Tom were nowhere near close to doing that.

There were those who moved in after a year or two of being together. Sure he knew people who hadn’t moved in together until five or six years but that was because of financial situations. He and Tom were both financially stable and were together for almost four years, and yet?

Jordan wanted what they had. To have someone to wake up to everyday; someone with him so he wouldn’t be so alone.

Jordan closes instagram, deciding that it wasn’t good to be comparing his own relationship with other people’s ones.

-.-

He saw a gif when scrolling through twitter. It was of when they were still streaming Mianite season 2. It was of him during his “marriage” to Tom.

He had completely forgotten about it until that moment. He now remembered when he felt that he could _actually_ marry him.

On a spur of the moment, he looks up the video displaying it. Tom’s video pops up first and he clicks on that. He smiles with fondness, watching the video as memories of that time came back.

Jordan skips to the part of the wedding. He watches as Tom reacts accordingly, talking to him, the subscribers, and just aloud.

When their players stood at the altar, Tom hadn’t really been paying attention. He occasionally would look at the screen but he mostly paid attention to his chat.

His smile falls.

_Tom laughs at something in the chat. ““When’s our actual marriage?” Mate, it’s only been a year, don’t you think it’s a bit early?” He chuckled, shaking his head. “Married,” he says it as if it was just a joke. He sighed as he breathed out._

_Tom turned the chat back on. “Just imagine Jordan, this could happen for_ real _one day.”_

_“Yeah, maybe.”_

_He shuts the chat off again. “See? He knows it’s not a big deal either. So fuck off with that marriage BS.”_

Jordan’s heart clenched. He knows that it was reasonable for him to say that, that it had been _years_ ago and his opinion could have changed.

But it still hurt.

Because he _did_ take it seriously but Tom just thought of it as a joke.

-.-

“I still don’t know why I started watching it but I cried my eyes out at the end!”

Jordan was hanging out with a few friends one day when they started talking about shows they started watching.

“What happened? Spoilers don’t matter, just fricking tell us!”

“It’s so tragic! They were perfect together and I thought for _sure_ they’d end up together-”

“What _happened?_ Tell us!” He said eagerly.

“Even though they loved each other, he wanted to pursue his career and he didn’t want to stand in the way of that, so they broke it off,” they said with a sigh. “There’s just something so tragically bittersweet about that, that it makes you smile while crying waterfalls.”

“Oh god, that’s so _sad!_ Why couldn’t they have worked it out?!”

“I know! They were with each other and supported each other but they still broke it off.”

“There’s a message here,” they said in a half joking half serious tone. “It’s saying that love isn’t the end all be all of life. And that sometimes,” they pause. “If you love someone, you’ll let them go and be happy, even if it means it’s not with you.”

Jordan thought about it.

Just because people love each other, doesn’t mean it’ll always work out. There were things that were more important and just got in the way.

Maybe they were right.

-.-

Tom wanted to stay in England, that much is clear. Even if he said he was willing to move, Tom would be disappointed that it wasn’t England.

And he had a lot of things holding him in England and Jordan didn't want to pull that away from him. He had more important things to do than have a relationship with someone on the other side of the world. And Tom was already happy with his life, so who was Jordan to stop it?

Sometimes, there were more important things than love and he knew that once before. He let himself be blinded but not again.

Their relationship just wasn’t going to work.

-.-

Me -> Tom: Do you have time? I need to talk to you.

Jordan felt his chest tighten. He dreaded having this conversation with Tom but he knew it had to be done.

A moment later, his phone starts to ring, Tom’s face appearing on the screen. He answers, holding it up to his ear.

“Hey Jordan,” Tom greeted happily. Jordan could imagine the big smile on his face and it hurts him knowing what is going to happen.

“Uh hey Tom,” he said softly, voice nowhere near as enthusiastic as his.

“Did something happen?” Tom had concern in his voice. He was almost always able to read him, and Jordan loved that about him.

“I-” he hesitated. “Well, kind of.”

“What is it?” Tom knew something was up, that much was obvious.

“Tom,” he said with a firm voice. Not beating around the bush any longer. “I think we should break up, it’s not working out anymore.”

There was silence for a moment. “What?” He spoke softly, hurt in his voice. “What do you mean? I thought it was just fine between us, what happened?” He sounded a bit panicked.

“We’ve been together for over three years, Tom, and lately things have been getting more serious between us-”

“Exactly! So what’s wrong?”

“I know this relationship isn’t going anywhere between us, we both are unwilling to move away from our place-”

“Then _I’ll_ move, just please don’t do this, please Jordan.” He already sounded desperate.

“That’s my point, Tom,” Jordan argued. “You say that now, but we both know that you’re not going to be happy in the long run-” Tom’s breaths started to become heavy, sounding as if he’s going to break down. “-you’re not the type to be anchored down to one place and I don’t want to be the one to hold you back when you could be doing so many things.”

“Jordan, _please,_ ” he begged. “I _love_ you, don’t do this. You’re not holding me back at all. We can make this work!”

“And I love you too, but we’ve _been_ making it work for the past three years. Can’t you see? We’ve been doing the same thing since we started dating, but we just can’t keep doing this forever. Long distance relationships work for some people, but not us.”

“Jordan-”

“I’m sorry Tom,” Jordan hated himself for saying these next few words. “But I think we should just be friends.”

Tom cries out, something that he doesn’t usually do. It hurts to hear him so sad and before he gives in and takes it all back, Jordan ends the call.

-.-

Jordan felt dull. He wasn’t used to the silence of not having Tom constantly texting him and calling him.

It was barely a day without him and he already hated it. His life felt empty without him but he knew it was better this way.

-.-

Jordan doesn’t make a video on it, explaining things, nor does he post it on twitter.

The first person to notice was probably Nick, someone he grew close to within those past few years when he became his video editor. He doesn’t bring it up at first, knowing that Jordan didn’t like to share his feelings, but eventually, he does.

“Did something happen?” Nick asked curiously.

“Huh?”

“You’ve been pretty down lately, less enthusiastic as usual.” He paused. “And that’s saying something since you’re already pretty monotone.”

“You noticed?” Jordan thought he was being subtle, but apparently not.

“X33n noticed too but he didn’t want to say anything,” Nick pointed out. “So did something happen with youtube?” He hesitated. “Did you and Tom get into fight?”

Jordan must have visibly flinched at the mention of Tom’s name as Nick continued. “Oh I see. Want to talk about it?”

Jordan breathed out, looking away. “There's nothing to talk about,” his voice was low. “Tom and I aren’t dating anymore.”

He hasn’t spoken to him since their breakup. He was so used to getting daily texts and calls from him that when they stopped, he still had the habit of checking his messages.

“Sorry man.”

“It’s fine,” he said, more for convincing himself rather than Nick. “It wasn't going to work out anyway.”

“Still doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt.”

-.-

Jordan still gets the occasional comment and tweet about his and Tom’s - now past - relationship, and even on his subreddit. He notices when they started to mention something about Tom’s video, that he got a sudden barrage of mentions.

He knew then that he should probably check it out.

Despite being broken up, Jordan still follows Tom’s social medias. And admittedly, he’s noticed that Tom hasn’t been posting as often.

He looks through Tom’s vlogging channel, knowing that his channel would have any updates. Once it’s open, Jordan immediately notices the lack of videos.

One of his more recent videos videos was titled:

**There’s a first for everything**

Jordan opens it up in incognito mode and watches the video.

It’s the first time in a long while that Jordan saw Tom’s face. And he looked like an absolute wreck.

His heart pined after him, hating the he looked so miserable.

_“I know I haven’t been uploading any videos lately, breaking the streak I had for posting daily, but-” he took a short pause, breathing in. “I know people have been asking me about it.”_

_“Tom! Where’s the video? Tomas, you’re late! TOom video!” He gave a half-hearted smile as he had spoken in an equally as half-hearted voice. “But even youtubers have their rough patches and their depressing days.”_

_Tom glanced off to the side, breathing deeply again. He sounded dull, as if there were no life inside him, acting completely un-Tom-like._

_“Look, I won’t lie to you guys,” Tom said slowly. He looked back at the camera, a barely there smile and eyes devoid of happiness. “But I’ll make this quick and I expect no one to go bothering him about it but Jordan and I aren’t dating anymore.” His voice broke and he visibly swallowed, a single tear fell._

_The scene changes. Tom’s eyes are red and puffy from crying and judging by the different lighting, quite a bit of time has already passed. “We left it off on a good note and decided that being friends was better. That’s all I’m going to say and please don’t go sending hate to him, it was mutual.” He took a deep breath. “Again, sorry for not updating but expect videos again as I’m heading out and I will be filming again.”_

Jordan felt tears on his cheeks as he had watched the video. He wasn’t used to seeing Tom break down like that and the fact that he caused that made it worse.

He’s hesitant to look through the comments but he wants to know what people are saying.

Most of them are showing their support for Tom, trying to say the usual words after someone has broken off their relationship. Some are saying how good they were together. Some didn’t believe it, but there are a few speculating.

_It looks like Jordan is the one who broke it off judging by how heartbroken Tom is._

_^ Yeah!!! And i looked at some of his recwnt videos and it doesnt seen like he qas that bothered by it_

_^ poor tom :((((_

_Aaaaw!!! Poor tom he was crying. How could Jardon do this??_

_^ I know they seemed so happy together!!!_

_^ i wondered what happened between them_

Jordan checked his other videos. He wanted to know if Tom was feeling better or not. There wasn’t anything on his twitter or instagram that said anything so he could only check his vlogs.

The video directly after this, Tom still sounded very unenthusiastic. Few videos later, he sounded a bit more upbeat but it was clear he was faking it - or at least to him it was clear.

Jordan closes the window, not wanting to see anymore.

-.-

Jordan still thought of him everyday. He didn’t even try to think of him, he just did. Whatever he did, his thoughts would somehow wander to Tom.

At night: when he was preparing to go to sleep, he’d reach over and see Tom’s toothbrush right next to his. He’d always hesitate before grabbing his own and try to shake thoughts of him out of his mind.

In the morning: he’d wake up sometimes, reaching over behind him or for his phone, still expecting Tom to be there, only for it to be empty.

During lunch: he’d still unknowingly stare at his phone, not knowing he was waiting for the text from Tom that would never come.

During recordings: he’d softly smile to himself, thinking about how Tom would have loved to hear about what happened.

During shopping trips: he’d stare at something, wondering whether or not Tom would like it, but he’d stop himself before he’d ask, remembering they were no longer together.

He hadn’t realized how much Tom was a part of his life despite not being physically here.

-.-

Jordan knows he’s going to have to get over him sooner or later. But that will come at a later time. Now? He has to sort through their things and pack up Tom’s stuff.

It’s been over a month already and he’s been pushing it off for far too long.

(Draft) Me -> Tom: Do you want me to ship you your stuff back or will you come pick it up?

Jordan stared at the unsent message. This was going to be the first time they ever contacted each other since their breakup and Jordan couldn’t bring himself to do it.

Was it too insensitive for that to be the first message? Should he say hi to him first? Was it too soon to send it? Too late?

Jordan sighed, mentally preparing himself to do it. He taps send before he could doubt himself again and turns the screen off, throwing it onto his bed. He gets to sorting to distract himself from his worries.

-.-

Jordan eventually forgets about sending the message during his process of packing up. He’s nowhere near done when his notification goes off.

He stops, curiously looking at his phone. When he turns on the screen, he feels his chest go tight again, seeing Tom’s name displayed.

Jordan opens up the message, not knowing what to expect.

Me <\- Tom: I’ll come pick it up, I’ve been looking for a new apartment and will be back around January to move everything.

Jordan contemplated on whether or not he should say something back.

Me -> Tom: ok

At least that gave him some to pack up.

-.-

“Hey Jordan!”

Craig called him one day mid-December. He didn’t really know what it was about but he answered it anyway.

“Hey Craig.”

“Have any plans during New Years?”

Those past few years, he and Tom had spent it together, either by themselves or with family. So now that they weren’t together anymore, he really didn’t know what he was going to do.

“No, why?”

“Well I’m throwing a New Years party for a bunch of my friends and you’re invited if you wanted to come!”

“Um,” Jordan thought about it.

“Although I will say,” he says a bit gentler than before. “Tom might be coming too but it’s not for certain and there _will_ be a whole bunch of other people so you probably won't even-”

“Craig, it’s fine. Tom and I agreed to be friends.”

“I just wanted to tell you ahead of time incase things get awkward. So, will you go?”

It beats being alone on New Years even though he might see Tom - which _isn’t_ a reason why he wants to go, really, it isn’t.And besides, he could see those he hasn’t talked to in awhile.

“Sure, I’ll go.”

“Alright! Party starts at 8.”

-.-

New Years is going to be the first time he sees Tom in person. Well, that is, if he’s going. Jordan’s not really sure that he’s mentally prepared to see him again - despite telling himself that he is, but this could be good for him.

He hasn’t been _out there_ since their break up and seeing some friends will be good for him. It’s just that Tom will be there and he’s not sure if he’s ready to see him yet.

He knows that he said they should be friends, but is that _really_ going to happen? Things could get awkward and they might not be able to stand talking to each other. And seeing Tom again after so long but not being able to talk to him?

He’s not sure if that is something he can handle.

-.-

Jordan couldn’t help himself. Last minute, he decided to look at one of Tom’s videos and try to see if he would go to Craig’s party.

**Holidays in LA!!!**

Reading the title basically confirmed it for him. But just in case, he decided to look at the video.

The beginning of the video was about his day, checking over the business, Kyle visiting him, among other things.

 _“But, yeah, so basically, my mum’s_ really _not happy about the fact that I’m going to spend New Year’s with friends instead of at home with family,” Tom shrugged. “Craig invited me to his party. I thought it’d be good for me to socialize instead of “moping around” as Kyle calls it.” He laughed. “But I’m fine, really guys, you don’t have to worry about me anymore.”_

Jordan got his answer. That, and so much more.

-.-

Jordan was happy for him, no really, he was. Tom wasn’t going to be moping over him for forever and they could be friends, like he said they should be. Tom could see that they were, in fact, better as friends. Things won’t be awkward, and everything is going to be good again and they’ll be fine.

But it was more so him trying to convince himself rather than what he claimed it was about.

That Tom being over him already, despite Jordan still deeply in love with him, was better.

…

…

…

But it still hurt so much.

-.-

Jordan considered not going to the party that night. After finding out what he did, he would _really_ rather not face Tom again. Not while he still loved him when Tom was over him.

He wasn’t ready yet.

Me <\- Craig: You still coming tonight?

(Draft) Me -> Craig: I can’t go, sorry that I’ll miss your party.

Jordan was tempted to press send.

He sighs, deleting the message.

Me -> Craig: of course

-.-

Jordan still showed up to Craig’s house for the party. It was somewhat crowded, people inside and outside. He could recognize most people there.

“Hey man!”

Jordan sees Craig, raising a bottle of beer at him. He takes another, raising it up. “Want?”

Jordan shakes his head, raising his hand in denial. “No thanks, I have to drive home.”

Craig makes his way over. “Glad to see you came!”

“Yeah, of course. It’s nice to see everyone again.”

Despite that, his eyes were already wandering, trying to keep an eye out for Tom.

“Well, food and drinks is in the kitchen, fireworks is outside, and people is everywhere.”

“Nice, I didn’t know where the people was.”

“Glad I could show you.”

-.-

Jordan was able to get his mind off of seeing Tom by talking to his friends. He had forgotten all his worries. But when he heard his name being called?

“Jordan!”

Jordan stopped. He immediately recognized it as Tom’s voice. His heart clenched and he forced himself to look behind him.

Tom stared at him with a big grin on his face. “Hey man! It’s been awhile!”

“Uh yeah,” Jordan nods. “It has.”

“Hey, I saw that you did the youtube rewind thing on Instagram,” Tom stared at him. “Dude! That was so cool.”

Jordan glanced at the people he had just been talking with. They clearly looked uncomfortable and were slowly inching away.

“Uh thanks.”

“Be honest, how long were you in a chair getting the makeup done? Two, three hours?” He was acting as he used to before they started dating and were just friends. To him, it clearly wasn't awkward and he was able to get back into the swing of things.

Jordan let out a chuckle. “Oh man, if you think that’s enough, I’ve got news for you.”

“What? How long does it take? Come on, I can take it.”

“I was in makeup for 6 hours.”

Tom scrunched up his face, breathing out. “Oof, _man_ that _long?_ Rough mate.”

“Well yeah,” he shrugged. “But hey, gotta do what you gotta do. At least I got in youtube rewind.”

“Man, I wish I could be in one.”

“Hey, move back to LA and maybe you can.”

Jordan stopped. Saying that reminded him of why they had broken up. He tensed, hoping he didn’t just make things awkward.

But Tom just laughed, seeming as if he wasn’t bothered.

And Jordan remembered. Tom had moved on, he was the one that was still stuck in the past.

-.-

Jordan tried to not let it get him down. He continued talking to him all night. Tom had been there, chatting about what happened to him and generally acting exactly he had before they dated.

He found out that Tom had just got there and decided to talk to him when he saw him.

Tom was acting completely normal, while he still had to hold himself back. He had to keep reminding himself that they were just friends now.

“Hey! Less than a minute to midnight!” Tom exclaimed.

They both were stood outside, already watching as people were setting fireworks off. People were paired off - couples mostly - and watching the sky.

“Yeah,” he said softly. His mind went back to last year, when they were still together. They’d kiss at midnight just like every other couple. But now, it was just as friends.

_“Ten!”_

“I love the fireworks in America, it’s always so grand.”

_“Nine!”_

“It’s not like that in England?”

_“Eight!”_

“Nowhere near American standards.”

_“Seven!”_

Tom glanced at him. “You’ve seen it before-”

_“Six!”_

“-you don’t remember it?”

_“Five!”_

“No, we were inside most of the time.”

_“Four!”_

“Oh yeah.”

_“Three!”_

...

_“Two!”_

Jordan and Tom glanced up at the sky.

_“One!”_

This was normally where they’d lean in to each other.

_“Happy New Year!”_

The fireworks went off and couples went in to kiss each other for their first kiss of the new year.

Jordan glanced at Tom. He was staring up at the sky, watching as it lit up with colorful explosions. He looked away and stared back at the sky.

“Beautiful,” he heard Tom mutter to himself, sighing happily.

The fireworks was pretty, but he could barely bring himself to enjoy it.

It was awhile before it settled down.

“Happy new year buddy.”

Jordan looked at him and saw his extended hand and took it, shaking his hand.

“Happy new year, Tom.”

-.-

It was official. That day was when he needed to start getting over Tom.

Because clearly, Tom was already over him.

-.-

Jordan held the picture frame in his hand. Despite having packed Tom’s things away and telling himself that he should be over Tom, during the two months they were broken up, he hadn’t put away any of their photos or things Tom had given him.

He sighed sadly, trying to hold back the tears. He placed the photo in a box along with the rest. He needed to get rid of everything from their relationship and move on.

That photo was the last thing he had to put away. It was of him and Tom out on one of their dates. It had been on his nightstand and was now gone into a box.

He shut it closed with a sigh and tucked it into the back of his closet to be forgotten.

-.-

Relationships weren’t his thing. They were never his thing before Tom and now, they would never be his thing.

So naturally, a rebound wouldn’t work.

Friends. Friends certainly helped. He found himself recording more, both by himself and with others. He also threw himself into working out more. He did anything to distract himself and try to move on.

Jordan took up a few hobbies, trying to find something that he’d like. And he’d being going out more, hanging out with friends.

It all, however, did not matter when Tom had texted him again. And Jordan had found that all his feelings for Tom came rushing back.

Me <\- Tom: Hey, you said you still had my things?

Me <\- Tom: How many boxes do I have?

Jordan stared at the texts with a sigh.

Me -> Tom: 3 boxes

Me <\- Tom: I’ll be back in LA next week

Me <\- Tom: And uh, if it isnt too much trouble, can you help me out with taking the things to my new place?

Jordan was reluctant. He needed to get over him and this _really_ wasn’t helping. But he couldn’t leave him out to dry.

Me -> Tom: sure

Me <\- Tom: Awesome! Thanks buddy!

-.-

Jordan packed Tom’s boxes into the trunk of his car and drove to the airport to pick him up. He saw Tom standing there with just a backpack on, hand clutching onto a strap as he smiled at him.

Jordan pulled up to him, stopping his car and unlocking the door.

“Hey Jordan!” He greeted with a big smile, getting inside. “Thanks for doing this.”

“No problem,” he lied, fully knowing that he still had a bunch of things to do that day. “I had a bit of free time.”

“I still really appreciate it.” Tom stared at him with a smile.

That smile made his heart melt and he felt himself go weak as he smiled back.

-.-

Jordan follows Tom’s directions, slowly recognizing the neighborhood as Tom’s old apartment building.

“Help me carry it up?” He asked with a hopeful look on his face.

“Sure, it isn’t much anyway.”

Jordan locks his car, helping Tom take the three boxes up. He takes two while Tom takes the last one, leading him to his new place.

They get to the third floor and Tom stops in front of 312. He digs through his pocket and pulls out a key and unlocks his door. He pushes it open and flicks on the light.

“You can put it on the table,” he stepped aside, letting Jordan in first.

Jordan took a quick glance around, noting that there wasn’t much change from his last place. He places the boxes on the table.

“Well, it was nice seeing you,” Jordan greeted him.

“Thanks again for helping me.”

Jordan nods to him. He makes his way to the door and before he can open it back up, Tom stops him.

“Uh wait, Jordan.”

Jordan stops, looking at him. “Something wrong?”

“Uh well,” he hesitated. “You know how I am with keys-”

“Yeah?” He stared at him with a slightly confused expression, not knowing where this was going.

“Can you hold onto a copy of the key? You know-”

Jordan didn’t if this is something “just friends” would do and admittedly, it _is_ slightly weird, but Tom does lose his keys sometimes and this would be doing him a favor.

“It’s kind of only fair since I still have a key to your place.”

‘ _Oh yeah,_ ’ Jordan remembers that he hadn’t asked for it back. Now that Tom has brought it up, Jordan is pretty sure that it’s too late to ask for it back since Tom is giving him his.

“Uh okay.”

Tom beamed. He held out they key had used to open the door. “Here, I already have one on my keychain.”

Jordan took it from him, slipping it into his own. “Bye Tom.”

“See yeah later, Jordan!”

-.-

Once he’s back at his place, Jordan could feel himself release a breath of relief. Being around Tom made everything too tense.

He still was unsure of how to act around him despite saying they should be just friends. But honestly, Jordan’s not sure if he _can_ be friends with him. Everything was still too painful and awkward with him. And every time he saw him, he had to resist an urge to take everything back and ask for him back every time he saw him.

Which isn’t a good idea.

-.-

Tom texts him on occasion, though it’s nowhere near as often as before. Jordan no longer responds immediately, especially when he’s recording.

Like with everyone else he texts, he replies when he has the time.

-.-

Jordan starts to collab with more people, most are actual friends of his. It’s nice to communicate with other people again without his relationship being the topic of conversation.

He and Rosanna, were filming a few videos together early February. And he was able to just have fun and forget about his frustrations and feelings for Tom for a day and just hang out with a friend.

-.-

His friends certainly helped. They learned to not mention Tom or his relationship with him and he was able to have a good time.

Jordan was starting to learn to live without him again.

-.-

He and Tom text each other from time to time, but from working on videos, music, and hanging out with friends, his heart feels much better than it did before. But Jordan’s feelings for him is still there, but is much more manageable than before.

-.-

March is when he gets his Ford GT. He’s been looking forward to this day for years. He’s grinning widely as he stares at his Miami Blue Ford GT, everything else is off his mind and he can only focus on it.

He posts a picture of it on instagram, excited to bring it home.

He can hardly contain his excitement when it’s done being wrapped up and bring it back.

For once, Tom wasn’t the first thing on his mind.

-.-

Me <\- Tom: Couldn’t help but notice that GT you have

Jordan looks at his text message from Tom. He no longer feels broken up whenever he talks to or thinks of Tom. Nowadays, it’s usually fond memories with the occasional heart pangs.

Me -> Tom: Yeah?

Me <\- Tom: wanna do me a solid?

Jordan has a feeling what this is about.

Me -> Tom: And what would that be?

Me <\- Tom: I’m gonna be LA next week for a while. Can I get a tour with the Ford GT?

Jordan let out a chuckle.

Me -> Tom: I knew you were just using me for my cars.

Me <\- Tom: haha you caught me

Me <\- Tom: So how about it?

Jordan felt as if he was ready. It’s been awhile since he’s seen him in person. And now that he’s accepted what was between him and Tom - or lack thereof - he’s sure he’ll be able to face him as if everything was normal. At least he hopes he can be.

Me -> Tom: Sure, sunday good?

Me <\- Tom: Definitely!

-.-

Both he and Tom make a video when he gets to LA. His own is just in the GT while Tom makes his usual daily vlog. Tom posts it immediately while he waits a bit before it’s posted.

So it’s a while before he gets to see what everyone says.

Between then and now, Tom comes by again at his place to hang out again. They hang out several times throughout the month, acting friendly with each other once again.

Jordan finds himself smiling a bit wider and paying a lot more attention to him than he usually does to others. He’s also a lot happier even with all that he’s done lately.

But he’s not going to think about any of that. Because they’re just friends and he’s accepted that now.

-.-

When his video goes up, Tom has another video up on his channel with them hanging out and he can finally see what everyone is saying.

_#syndisparklez is alive!!!_

He’s not sure what he was expecting but it wasn’t that.

_Tom’s bacl!! :DDD_

_^ do you think thwy’re back togetger?_

_^ probably not, they havent said anything_

_^ Have you SEEN the way they look at eachother???? They’re obviously still in love!! Tom practically has hearts in his eyes!!_

Jordan stopped.

Was Tom really still in love with him? Jordan stared at the video again. He knows he was but was Tom? So far, Tom was acting exactly how he did before they got together. So he’s sure that Tom got over him.

So it was just the fans shipping them again, right?

-.-

Jordan’s in the middle of recording a reddit video when a post about Tom comes up. Well, really it’s more about Mianite but it’s on Tom’s post.

It reminded him of how he felt when he first saw it.

“I’m not gonna lie,” Jordan says, staring at the camera. “When I saw that post, I got a bit worried. I’m uh, I know I’m much more physically stronger than Tom and _I’d_ be worried about going against that guy.”

He looked back at the post. “No offense to Tom, but uh, I’m kind of worried for him. I just hope he turns out fine in the end.” He really didn’t want him to end up being hurt.

-.-

Jordan won’t lie. He’s kind of glad that the fight was cancelled.

-.-

Jordan finds that Tom is playing minecraft again in August. It’s been almost a year since he had last played it and it’s bringing up so many memories.

Jordan tweets at him, saying that they should play together some time.

But all he could think about was the Mianite days when they’d stream daily and their relationship was romantic and out in the open, and not just platonic.

Jordan, despite being okay with what they are now, finds himself missing that once again.

-.-

Jordan makes a rebrand. His main channel goes from react videos back to gaming. It's mainly minecraft videos for now but there are some videos of other things on it too.

Jordan gets a message from Tom one day.

Me <\- Tom: You still up for recording minecraft videos?

Me -> Tom: Yeah, when are you free?

Me <\- Tom: Thursday okay?

Me -> Tom: Yeah, definitely

-.-

Playing minecraft with Tom again brings back a lot of memories. He remembers the time when they all played Mianite, back when they were still in a relationship; playing and talking with him as he did back then.

But he doesn’t bring it up, continuing to talk to him before everything happened.

“Sooo you said you needed to fish?” Jordan asked him.

“Yeah, where’s your rod? I need it.”

“On me right now, I’m in my house.”

“I’ll be there soon.”

-.-

“Where are you right now?”

“Why?” He asked, immediately suspicious.

“What, don’t trust me?”

“Not really, no.”

“Aw come on. I’m not gonna do anything.”

“I’m headed back to my place right now, and it better be the way I left it.”

“Don’t worry your pretty little head, I’m not doing anything to it right now.”

“ _Now?_ ”

-.-

“Jordan look! A sick umbrella bro!”

Jordan stared at the red umbrella made of red beds.

“Oh hey, it is.”

“Remember? From that one series we don’t speak of?”

Jordan let out a chuckle. “Yeah, I remember that non-existent series that will never get a season 3.”

-.-

Jordan, when he sees Tom approaching him, immediately switches to his sword. “Back off.”

“Wait, no! I come in peace,” he throws a rose at the floor. “I’m sorry.”

Jordan quickly steps forward to pick up the rose and steps back. He sees that it’s been renamed to “For Jordan.”

-.-

“We just work so well together,” Tom stated after they had finished some stuff up. “Don’t you agree, partner?”

“Yeah, I’d say that.”

“Best partnership ever!”

-.-

Tom starts to tweet/subtweet at him more. He doesn’t really mind it.

It’s certainly a lot more comfortable between them now and he likes it.

-.-

“I don’t know, it’s just something that they like to bring up from time to time, you know?” Jordan told Tom over a stream.

“Hairline or not man, you still look pretty damn hot.”

“Uh thanks.”

-.-

“Oh man! I remember when we did that! We had that huge tree together! It’s Jerry’s Tree 3.0!”

-.-

Jordan sighed out of frustration as he could practically hear the grin in Tom’s voice.

“Oh come on, you know you still love me.”

Jordan hesitated. It was weird hearing that word from him again. “You go believe that.”

-.-

Jordan didn’t think anything of it at first. He just thought Tom was being Tom, he was always doing this kinda stuff, before they dated and with other people.

But he started to doubt himself recently.

“It’d be a perfect date.”

Jordan didn’t say anything at first. Tom had started to bring up dates and relationships a lot more, and it was getting a bit too much. Tom acting the way he was and hinting to relationship stuff was bringing up too much memories of their time together. Something he didn’t want to think about anymore. “Except that we aren’t dating anymore.”

“I know. It’d be perfect for us if we still were though.”

-.-

Jordan thought he was over Tom, but recently? He’s not so sure anymore.

Tom was so casual with the way he talked to him, acting very comfortable. He hated the way Tom could still make him nervous and get his heart racing. How he could just throw his arm around him and grin at him and be all fine with it.

Most of all, Jordan hated how much this was affecting him.

-.-

“Hey, Tom?”

They had just finished with another recording when Jordan had decided to bring it up; to put an end to what he was doing.

“Yeah?”

“What are you doing,” he says in a serious tone.

There was a small pause. “What?” He asks in a slightly confused tone.

“I know what you’re doing,” Jordan continued. “With how you’ve been acting lately. But _why_ are you doing it?”

“So you’ve uh, noticed, huh?” He says a bit quieter.

“Of course I’ve noticed. Why are you still flirting with me? We aren’t together anymore.”

“Can you really blame me though?” Tom says gently. “We were together for almost four years, we worked amazingly well together, and as far as I knew, there wasn’t anything wrong between us until those last few months. Jordan,” he took a short pause. “I miss you.”

“But we’re talking right now Tom, we’re friends now, we still have each other.”

“But that’s not enough for me. I’m still in love with you, Jordan; my feelings for you hasn’t changed since we broke up-”

Hearing that shocked him. He’d been convinced that Tom had been over him, had been since New Years. But apparently not.

“And I know you still love me too,” he sounded desperate, as if he could break down any minute. “Can’t we just try this out again? I’ll do better, I’ll do _anything_ to have you back _._ ”

Jordan tensed, swallowing hard. It was tempting to take him back. “Tom, none of that matters now. And I told you, we’re better off as friends.”

Tom said nothing for a moment, choking back a sob. “I-,” he hesitated, speaking slowly as if he was trying to control himself. “I got you something a few months before we broke up-”

Jordan wasn’t sure where this was going, but he listened and let him talk.

“Here, I’ll send you a picture and tell me if you still want it.”

Jordan didn’t say anything, not sure why a gift would be so important. He stared at his phone, waiting for the image. “I got it,” he says before opening it.

Tom is silent.

Jordan understands why he didn’t say anything, for he too was speechless as he stared at the thing Tom was going to give him. “You were going to propose me?”

“Yes I was,” Tom told him. “All the traveling and business is nice and all but you were the one keeping me going; if you had told me what was on your mind, I would have gladly dropped everything for you.”

Jordan didn’t say anything, still staring at the ring. He didn’t know what to think. Tom had been serious about their relationship, serious to the point of wanting to ask him to marry him. Something he thought only he had felt.

“So?” Tom says, sounding slightly hopeful. “Do you still want it?”

“I-” he hesitated. He had been staring at the picture of the ring for so long that his screen had automatically turned off. He just wasn’t sure. “No,” he had forced out an answer, despite not being sure himself. “I don’t want it.”

Tom swallowed hard. “Okay,” his voice dripped with disappointment, sadness very obvious. “Just give me some time and I’ll be the friend you wanted,” his voice broke over the word friend. “The crazy, fun-loving Tom with no romantic feelings attached. I’ll-” he stops, breathing in to calm himself. “Bye Jordan.”

“Bye Tom.” He ended the call.

Jordan was sure he was making the right choice. He’s sure of it.

But why did it feel so wrong?

-.-

Jordan couldn't stop thinking about it. The only thing he could focus on was the picture of the ring Tom had sent him. He was distracted and couldn’t even record his videos.

In the middle of doing something with Nick, he blurted out, “I know we don’t talk about this kind of stuff but-”

Nick looked at him, a bit shocked and caught off guard at the out-of-the-blue question.

“I need your advice on something.”

“What is it?” Nick asked, turning the camera off.

“How do you know if you’re making the right choice?” Jordan could tell that Nick was confused at the out of character question.

“Well, it depends. What happened Jordan?”

He didn’t say anything, pulling out his phone to show him the picture of the ring. Nick didn’t say anything at first, staring at it. “I see.”

“I said no to him but-” he cut himself off, doubt in his voice.

“I can’t _tell_ you what to do, but keep this in mind,” Nick started. “By saying no, you’re going to have to be okay with being just friends with him.”

Jordan could handle that, at least he’d be with Tom and he could get over him again. “I think I can do that.”

“Then you’d be okay with watching Tom fall in love with someone else?”

Jordan’s heart faltered. He immediately hated that thought. His chest felt tight. Thinking about Tom with someone else wasn’t something he wanted to think about at all.

“And if you do take him back,” Nick continued. “Then you-”

But Jordan had stopped listening by then.

He found his answer.

-.-

Nick left soon after, recognizing that he needed some alone time. Jordan didn’t want to waste anytime and immediately called Tom. He knew it was late over there in England but didn’t want to lose his courage.

Jordan stared at the picture of the ring Tom had bought, hoping he hadn’t returned it yet. He pressed call and held it up to his ear.

He waited and listened as the rings went off. He hoped Tom was still awake and would not ignore his call.

“Hello?” The person who picked up, however, was not Tom. It had been his sister.

“Alice, hi, is Tom there? I need to speak to him.”

“Uh huh. And why would I do that?” She did _not_ sound happy with him, which was understandable.

“Please Alice, I made a mistake,” Jordan tells. “I need to tell him.”

She was quiet at first, as if she was thinking it over. “Fine, I’ll ask Tom if he’s up to speaking to you.”

Jordan breathes out, waiting for Tom’s voice as she went to go find him.

“Jordan?” He mumbled.

Jordan immediately smiled when he heard his voice, releasing a breath of relief. “Tom, hi.”

“Hi, uh, Alice said you wanted to tell me something?” There was hope in his voice.

“Yeah, there was,” Jordan starts. “Tom, I’m sorry.”

A pause. “What?” He asked, slightly confused.

“What I said,” he clarified. “I’m sorry. I thought about it again, and I realized I was making a mistake. You were right, we should work it out.” He pauses. “If you uh, still want of course.”

“Of course I do,” Tom immediately sounded happier despite the scratchy voice.

“And uh, that gift you mentioned earlier?” He said slowly, not sure if it was too soon or not. “But, I do still want it.”

Tom breathed out. Jordan can practically hear the smile in his voice. “I’ll go to LA to come see you-”

“No,” Jordan cut him off, because it was time to start meeting him halfway. “Stay put, I’ll go there.”

-.-

**_BONUS_ **

-.-

**X33n: Why are people spamming me to congratulate you, Sparklez?**

Jordan looked at the chat, taking a sip of his drink. He was currently streaming the Deep End and X33n had come onto the server a bit after him.

“Oh, I guess it's because I'm engaged.”

For awhile, he didn’t reply.

**X33n: what?**

**Graser10: Congrats Jordan!**

“Yeah, I’m engaged now,” he showed his ring to the camera, knowing X33n was watching his stream. “We haven’t decided on a date yet.”

Jordan sees that X33n was in the voice chat in discord and turns it on.

“When the hell did this happen?” X33n asked, sounding extremely confused.

“Few months ago.”

“To _who?_ ”

“Who else would it be? Tom.”

Jordan takes his headphones off when he sees the door to his recording room open. He faintly heard X33n say something but ignored him. He smiles, seeing Tom standing there.

“Chicken okay for dinner? Or do you want steak?”

“Uh,” he thought about it.

“Or do you want chat to decide?”

Jordan shrugged. “Let’s let chat decide,” he looks back at the screen as Tom moved over to stand next to him. Jordan put his headphones back on.

“Holy cr- you’re not lying,” X33n paused. “Congrats man.”

“Thanks X33n,” he says as he skimmed the chat.

“So chat, are Jordan and I having steak or chicken for dinner?” Tom asks, skimming the chat too.

They wait a bit before the replies come in.

“Looks like we’re having steak!” Tom announced loudly. “I’ll get to making it now.” He leaned into Jordan, briefly pressing a kiss onto his lips

“I’ll be done streaming in a bit.”

“Take your time.”

“You guys are adorable,” X33n taunts.

“Yeah we are,” he says with a big smile.

**Author's Note:**

> challenge, reread this after knowing what happened without crying.  
> Would you be interested in reading this from Tom’s pov?


End file.
